Well I have been busted a few times lately. People have called me out when I have been putting my mask up. I have talked about the mask before. The "I am ok" "put on my happy face" and the "everything is fine" mask. I am honestly going to tell you that right at the moment I do not feel that way. I do not feel hopeless or depressed, but I do feel overwhelmed. I do feel that there is so much going on in my life that I just need to breathe. This is what is going on, it is my life, and I am going to have to learn how to deal with the crazy life I have. I have to stop making excuses. I make excuses to not workout, I make excuses not to do stuff that I know needs to be done, and I make excuses to not take ownership of what happens in my life. I have made excuses to not get back where I need to be in the God department. This is where the diet and exercise thing gets complicated.
This week I found an excuse to closet eat. Now I haven't really had a problem with that since I turned this whole thing over to God. But as soon as I started to take on my emotions and feelings instead of turning it over to God, I ran to my good old friend food. Now I can say that it wasn't food that
I couldn't have, but a whole jar of olives, a bag of sugar free chocolate, and a beef stick was my friend and counselor that day. It was just dumb stuff. I did catch what I was doing though and I haven't done it again.
As far as the weigh in goes I lost 1 lb. this week for a total of 33 lbs since June 1. Great things have happened because of this weight loss. A pair of my pants don't have to be unbuttoned to be removed...lol they can just pull on and off, my underwear keeps falling off my butt, and finally a towel can reach all the way around me. Granted it is a beach towel but still it isn't gaping open anymore. So I am proud of how far I have come, but I want to keep up the good work and not let anything get in the way.
I did get all the classes I need to apply for RN school in January. I will be taking a huge semester of microbiology, pathphysiology, nutrition, spanish and fitness walking. I am so scared about leaving my job and going back to school. I am scared about financial reasons, and just scared about not being able to do it. But I know that if I just trust God that He will take care of it. God is bigger than anything I have to face. He knows what is going to happen, and He know that we will make it through it if we just let Him do what He does. I pray that this week that I will stop making excuses and just depend upon God and His promises. He has such big plans for me and I just have to let Him mold me into what I should be.
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