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Sunday, January 26, 2014

2014 The Year Of Transformation...

I have said this many times in my life. It is time for a change. I am tired of being fat, I am tired of being tired, I am tired of living, and I am just going to accept that I am this or that. But this year, I have a great feeling that this is going to be my year. Let me tell you about one of the most exciting things that is going to happen this year: I will be done with nursing school in May. Now that being said, I know I will still have to find a nursing job and pass nursing boards, but you may not know how big of a sacrifice RN school has been and is. But in order for me to be the best nurse, person, mom, daughter, sister, and friend I can be I have to take care of this body. This is an entry into my journal after my first week of healthy eating and exercise:

" Well you have made it the whole week! You have been exercising and counting calories and are down 6 pounds. In your head you know that it is a good number, but in your heart you are wondering if this is really the time that it will work. You have got to stop doubting yourself! You are preparing to do your weight loss journey. You know that output has to be greater than what you are putting in. You know that on your own this will be like every other time...a failure. Try challenging yourself. Mind, body, and soul need a change. Focus on God. When your mind is focused on God and you are putting in an effort to pray and read His word your mindset will change. God wants all of you. Your soul needs the peace and joy that only He can give. Though food has taken control of your life, you have got to give it up! Yes you need food to live, but it doesn't have to control you. God wants your body-He lives in you- are you giving Him your best? NO you are not. Let go of all those past failures, the excess baggage, and the disappointments. You have a brand new life waiting for you. This year 2014 can be the year that you make permanent changes. You are ready for this. Love, Yourself"

Well now that the cat is out of the bag. I have a food problem. Yes I do. I know I do. But I started this online bible study called Made to Crave. I wrote this journal entry right before I started the OBS on the 19th. Doing my homework on it this week made me see that God was preparing me for this journey. I was already ready to start honoring God with my mind, body and soul. Going to church this morning and hearing the sermon on Romans 12 just confirmed that I have to honor God with my whole self. He gave himself for me. I should be willing to give myself to Him. Many people are going to embark on a weight loss journey. I don't know what their reasons are, but mine is just to be the best that I can be. My plan is simple. Watch my calorie intake and move more. It is working for me. The fitbit has been a wonderful tool for me. I get to see what I am eating...and see what I am burning off and where I can improve.
I jogged/walked my first 5k yesterday. I had so many mixed emotions on my way there. I hadn't really trained enough for it. I didn't really have the proper shoes. And when I first got there I felt like a cow in a herd of flamingos. But it didn't stop me. I started off jogging and jogged as far as I could..probably a quarter of a mile. Then I was speed walking. I was so thirsty when I got to the mile mark that I thought I was going to die. I was listening to my workout music which pretty much consists of Mandisa, Jamie Grace, Mercy Me, and Toby Mac. Trying to just keep up a good pace because I wanted to make it in a hour. Get to about a mile and half and they have a dixie cup of water for us to drink. I wanted to put my head under the five gallon spout and drink up but took my water instead. This is where mentally it got hard for me. I wanted to burst out in tears. Like I felt the tears coming, but stuffled them down.  First, I was overwhelmed that I was actually doing it. Secondly, I borrowed a pair of shoes cause my regular pair were tore up. My feet were killing me. My side was hurting. Thirdly, I was alone and left to my negative thoughts. Thinking that I was stupid for signing up for this, I was going to be the slowest person there, I wasn't good enough, and I should just give up and take the short cut back. I looked up and ahead of me and saw this man and his son. This man was older and bigger than me. He didn't give up. He hardly walked. He jogged most of the way. He inspired me to keep going. Though I had inspiration from this man, I did get to the point where I started praying. I was a little past the mile 2 mark by this point. My feet hurt, I knew I had a blister on my heel, I wasn't breathing the right way, and I was tired. I just told God that I couldn't make it on my own. There was no way I could make it back without Him. I can't move another step without you carrying me. Then I started jogging and it wasn't as painful. I got to the corner and walked a little more. Mandisa's Overcomer song came on and I started jogging the last half mile. My friend Anita met me half way and finished up with me. But I know the only way I finished that 5k was by God himself carrying me and giving me the strength to do it. I made it across the finish line in 50 minutes and 32 seconds. I wanted to cry then because I had beat my time and because it was over!
I know to many of you it does sound cheesy to bother God with stuff like diet and exercise. But you know what, God cares about it. God care about what we do to our bodies, and He expects us to take care of them. It is my goal this year to be the best I can be for Him...and only Him.
This is before the race and with my encourager, Anita!
This is after the race and with my encourager, Anita. My eye is certainly funky!!