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Sunday, October 16, 2011

It is Complicated

It has been a long while since I took some time to keep you guys updated. I feel like if I am open and honest about everything going on in my life that I may disappoint you. And for some of you, you may think I am coming up with excuses. There are no excuses when you know you need to lose weight and be healthy, unless you have a food addiction.
 After reading some of my blogs, especially the last few, I feel like I owe you all an explanation. You see I am not just a normal person. If you don't know me you wouldn't know that I battle depression, hypothyroidism, high blood pressure, and a heart issue. Now the heart issue is not serious, but it is secondary to the hypothyroidism. But still I take medication for it and it does effect me during exercise sometimes. In August my whole world changed. I left my job of five years, I started college again, and I started a new job in a matter of days. I did not give myself any time to transition. I loved my job at CHC and was very sad to leave. I felt like I was leaving my family behind. It is not that same without them. Leaving there, or maybe just taking that big of change, threw me into depression. It just felt like my social life was over. All of my friends were there. I didn't really have friends outside of work. I felt alone. And I know it sounds stupid, but I am not good with change. I left my job on a Friday and started a new job on Monday and college on a Monday. With all that change, the depression, the fear of the unknown, it through me into some bad old habits. There was my comfort and solace sitting there in Dr. Pepper, chocolate, pizza, peanut butter and jelly, ice cream, chips, etc. So I had a little extra money and enrolled in Weight Watchers. I thought maybe I would be able to do it and find some friends, or at least someone to be my accountability partner. I bought the stuff, but when I sat down to do my budget, I just could not afford the $40 a month. I do have all the weight watchers stuff though and I plan to use it. Just because I can't go to meetings or use their website, I can still do this. I can choose to eat healthy and I can choose to exercise. I know it isn't dropping 10 lbs a week, but if I can figure out why I am so addicted to food maybe I can move on and learn to cope in other ways. I have considered joining Overeaters Anonymous. But I don't think they have meetings here. I can however attend meetings through the telephone or over the Internet.
School was a big shock to me. I can't believe how much has changed since I graduated in 2006. I am finally getting adjusted though. I had to realize that I have to study...and study hard if I want good grades. Putting in that study time is hard. It is hard because I have been fighting depression, fatigue, and procrastination! But I have to take it slow, and take one thing at a time.
I am loving my new job. It is fun, exciting, and I get to be really creative. I love my coworkers! They crack me up! And it is nice to work with just a handful of people instead of hundreds. Though my job as a social activities coordinator I hope to be able to reach hundreds. We are looking into starting a new group for Jr high/high school aged kids with intellectual and developmental disorders. I went and talked to a group of students from Rider this week. It was fun to get to interact with them and tell them what I do. I also get to be a guest speaker this week at People First monthly meeting. Our Zumba class starts this week to. I am so privileged to serve this population of people. They make my job worth doing.
Well I hope I didn't disappoint you too much. I have only gained back 10 of that 30 lbs I lost doing the Atkins. I have exercised more this week. And hopefully I can talk Abby into taking fall photos today! Thanks for taking the time to read this. I am just going to keep on swimming...swimming...swimming and doing the best that I can.

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