The Woman in the Mirror

That woman is enormous. That woman has rolls and rolls of flab. That woman will never be thin. That woman is ugly. That woman is in my head. That woman is probably in your head too. That woman does not discriminate. That woman doesn't care if you are black or white, short or tall, thin or fat, or ugly or pretty. She wants you to feel that you are not acceptable. She wants to rule over your thoughts and your body image so you feel that you will never be good enough.
Are we ever good enough? I guess it depends on who you want to be good enough for. If we want to be good enough for this world, we will probably never measure up. If we want to be good enough for God then we are already there. He takes us, accepts us, and loves us just as we are. And you know the great thing about it? He makes us more beautiful, more radiant, more loved and accepted than anyone in this world can. But He can't do that if we won't let Him. We have to accept who we are, who we have been, and who we can become. This has been on my mind a lot this week. I think mostly for innocent reasons. Maybe because I didn't realize how big I really was. Maybe because I miss sized a couple of my friends (sorry didn't mean to offend you) and maybe because I don't like mirrors and I have to look in one when I am working out. Have you been brave enough to look in the mirror? I mean really look in the mirror? I have a couple of times this week. Do I like what I see? Well it depends on what I am looking at. I have lost inches and pounds with my changed life and I do like to see that things are getting smaller. But I don't like that feeling that no matter what I lose I am not a pretty girl. I am pretty plain Jane. I am pasty and freckly. And I am balding. I wonder if I can ever get this shell of mine to match this beautiful person locked inside of me. The answer lies in how hard I want to work. The beauty that I want comes from God.  And though I haven't meant to, I have gotten wrapped up in changing my life without His help. I know that I need Him to do anything and I must work on that relationship before anything will work in my life.
So I lost 4 lbs this week for a total of 27 lbs in 7 weeks. I am 3 lbs away from my first goal. It is very exciting for me, but at the same time I know I slacked off in the couch to 5k thing this past week. I was very discouraged during the first workout of week 3 when I couldn't run the 3 min parts without stopping and breathing. I didn't go back again for 6 days. When I did I could run the first 3 min through and the second 3 mins. I had to stop and breathe. I was frustrated. But I am not giving up on this. This is something I have always wanted to do. And yes I make excuses and I get out of it. Just keep on me Mom. Annoy me make me mad, because that is what I need. I need to work on this. This week I have a new goal. I am going to do three c to 5k workouts, read my Bible everyday, and track my food. Please hold me accountable.
If that woman is bothering you, tell her to shut up! That through God you are beautiful. As a matter of fact there will never be a more beautiful you.